I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
