RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
