I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
