I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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