I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
