Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
