I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
