I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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