My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
