I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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