question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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