New low: just hacked my moms facebook
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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