Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
