Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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