i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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