She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
