One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
