Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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