i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
