So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
