i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
