i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
