So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
