Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
