She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
