I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
