I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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