My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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