Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
