Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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