did you get engaged???
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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