I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
