Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
