PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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