Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
