I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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