They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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