omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
