I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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