I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
