I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
