I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
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It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
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Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome