How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts