The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it glows. i had to have it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
