yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize