I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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