he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
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If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
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We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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