He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
