you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
