Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
