oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
