DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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