When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
