Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
