Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
