wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
