He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This is the high leading the old right now
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
3 2 1 whiskey
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
