I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
