My room smells like vodka and shame
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He shit in the fireplace
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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