I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
