these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
