it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
