Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
