have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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