That's when you crack a 10am beer
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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