I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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