How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
