I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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