So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
