Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Of course I have a pirate flag
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
