i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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