Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
